


I hate it here (DSMP chatfic)

by InkySoupy



Category: Minecraft (Video Game)
Genre: Alternate Universe - High School, Chatting & Messaging, Dream Smp, F/F, M/M, Other Additional Tags to Be Added, no beta we die like men
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2021-03-05
Updated: 2021-03-15
Packaged: 2021-03-17 13:14:48
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 10
Words: 9,531
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29842062
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/InkySoupy/pseuds/InkySoupy
Summary: FUNdy: This sex cult of bird-people fucking kidnapped menot for sex but they use me to kill peopleit was so weirdKarl: ...... quat???Bird brain: I feel threatenedGogy: Remind me to never let Fundy near a parrot2 Updates every 1-3 days
Relationships: Alexis | Quackity/Karl Jacobs/Sapnap, Antfrost/VelvetIsCake (Video Blogging RPF), Cara | CaptainPuffy & Niki | Nihachu, Clay | Dream/GeorgeNotFound (Video Blogging RPF), Minx | JustAMinx & Niki | Nihachu & Wilbur Soot, Niki | Nihachu & Wilbur Soot, Ranboo & Toby Smith | Tubbo & Wilbur Soot & Technoblade & TommyInnit & Phil Watson, Tubbo & Tommyinnit
Comments: 14
Kudos: 123





	1. You infuriate me

**Author's Note:**

> Hi, its me, from the future, here to give context aha
> 
> I let the story write itself so the first few chapters seem a little out of place. I didn't initially have a plan for it but it just kinda happened on its own. I PROMISE THAT IVE GOT ONE NOW THOUGH
> 
> Just think of this as 
> 
> They had a discord sever but this is an easier way of communication + some new people
> 
> Again, sorry for the confusion for when you read ahead but it gets better I promise
> 
> might do a filler type thing to explain this better, but have fun reading new + rereaders :DD

**Dre added Timmyisntit, Schlagg, and 12 others to the chat**

**Dre:** I felt like this was needed

**Gwiblur Goot:** Wtf..?

**Gogy:** Why are you like this

**Dre:** Because I'm an amazing friend <3

**Gogy:** Blocked and reported

**Dre:** WH---???

**Snapple crackle:** GET REKT HAHAHA,DSMNVDFK

**King:** I literally just wanted to walk in my demonias

**FUNdy:** Aren't you tall enough?

**King:** no

**FUNdy:** valid

**King:** Besides, it's a big "HEY IM GAY AF" thing. Like girl in red. but for people with taste

**FUNdy:** Honestly, what di i expect

**King:** I hope a lot. i got shit up my sleeve

**Timmyaintit:** Ew fucking gross

**Timmyaintit:** TIMMY??? WHAT THE FUCK??

**BEE:** HSHAHSHA T I M M Y

**Timmyaintit:** I could say so many things right now

**BEE:** Bet

**Timmyaintit:** I can't. Wiblurs here. He would twitter cancel me

**Gwiblur Goot:** You have like 3 followers. And I'm not one of em

**Timmyaintit:** I take back every nice thing I've ever said about you.

**Technoblade:** I've**

**Gwiblur Goot:** you've never said anything nice about me?? Also Hi techno

**Technoblade:** At least you have the courtesy to use grammar

**BEE:** Grammar is for losers

**Timmyaintit:** Ye, grammar is 4 homophobes

**Technoblade:** Guess I'm homophobic then

**Gwiblur Goot:** But what about that nice bi girl that said you were funny :(

**Technoblade:** I'm homophobic towards everyone but Niki.

**Gwiblur Goot:** Valid

**Karl:** Who are any of you people I literally only Know Dream and Wilbur

**Dre:** You need to branch out, kid

**Karl:** I'm literally older than you tf

**Dre:** Y'all hear sumn? I don't speak tacky clothes

**Karl:** YOU KNOW DAMN WELL IT TOOK ME MONTHS TO MAKE THAT SWEATSHIRT

**Dre:** AND IT'S LIKE 10 DIFFERENT COLORS??

**Karl:** IT'S CALLED BEING QUIRKY

**Snapple crackle:** Dream you gotta stop bullying the poor boy even though he's a whole housewife jfc

**Karl:** I don't know you, but you literally make me so mad

**Snapple crackle:** <3

**Karl:** Ew

**Timmyaintit:** Are we ignoring the fact that my name is literally not Timmy fucking Turner?

**FUNdy:** Yes

**King:** Yes

**Bird brain:** Yes

**Schlagg:** ye

**Gogy:** Yes

**Skep pee:** Yes

**Karl:** Yes

**Dre:** Yes

**Gogy:** Schlatt you fucking ruined it

**Schlagg:** Slatt

**Gogy:** What the hell is wrong with him?

**Dre:** He's asserting his dominance. don't interrupt it can get scary

**Gogy:**....... jfc

**Bird brain:** KFC????

**Gogy:** Ew no

**Bird brain:** Gtfo.

**Gogy:** No <3

**Bird brain:** You Infuriate me

**Gogy:** K

**Karl:** HE HIT YOU W THE K LMAOO

**Bird brain:** Why is everyonehere so mean 

**Schlagg:** Hi Honey <3

**Bird Brain:** I hate existing

**Snapple crackle:** Same. Dres besties don't like me </3

**Karl:** i really don't

**Snapple crackle** **:** :,)

**Bird brain:** Dw Snapple I'll be nice to you if you're nice to me

**Snapple crackle:** HELL YEAH LES GOOOO

**Bird brain:** TEEHEE

* * *

**FUNdy:** Okay so

I had this dream, right?

so it was going well, you know doing my dream things

and then

AND THEN

the birds happened

It was so sudden

This sex cult of bird-people fucking kidnapped me

not for sex but they use me to kill people

it was so weird

**Karl:**...... quat???

**Bird brain:** I feel threatened

**Gogy:** Remind me to never let Fundy near a parrot

**FUNdy:** WOW

IM TRYING TO SHARE SUMN WITH YALL

SO RUDE

**Snapple crackle:** Why are you like this

**FUNdy:** look whos talking

**Snapple crackle:** valid

**BEE:** TOMMY GOT STUCK

**Gogy:** Huh?

**Karl:** WDYM???

**BEE:** He got stuck in a chair during class

The teacher won't help him

**Technoblade:** Ms. Daft?

**BEE:** Ye

**Technoblade:** That explains it

omw I wanna see this

**BEE:** Arent you in class??

**Technoblade:** Not anymore

**BEE:**........ kk

* * *

**Timmyaintit:** Everything hurts

**BEE:** Then don't try and do contorton in a chair

**Timmyaintit:** no

**BEE:** Welp I tried

**Gwiblur Goot:** Wat-

**Timmyaintit:** Chair, stuck, pain.

**Gwiblur Goot:** oh aight

**Dre:** Howdy fuckers

**Karl:** Mr. Ray's gonna beat your ass put your phon away

**Dre:** Nah I'm fine he loves me

**Karl:** Hah got his phone taken... oh shit gtg

**Snapple crackle:** HAH LOSERS

**Bird brain:** HEHEHEHE POP OFF

**Snapple crackle:** YESYESYESYESYESYESYESYESYESYESYESYESYESYESYES

**Bird brain:** ~~I fucking love you omfg~~

**Snapple crackle:** O.O

O//////O

oh??? 

**Bird brain:** nvm

**Snapple crackle:** Hehe I got BITCHES YALL

**Bird brain:** I'm just one of your bitches? Heart been broke so many time </3

**Snapple crackle:** :,)

**Bird brain:** You're so dumb jfc

**snapple crackle:** teehee

**Gogy:** can yall stop sexting omfg

**Snapple crackle:** STFU 

**Gogy:** Go off ig


	2. You're a fucking dumbass

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Karl has no taste

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Literally screaming I just wanted to draw or write but nope I'm still in shock from Tommys stream last night
> 
> Also double update pog???

**Gogy:** Yo dream where's my report. I left it at your place last night and Mrs. Bravura is asking for it

**Dre:** Idk its prolly on my desk

**Karl:** Why were you at his house and whos Mrs. Bravura O.O

**Gogy:** We were doing a project and do you not go to our school or sumn?

**Karl:** Suuuuuuuure

And nope

**Snapple crackle:** Wait really?

**Karl: Nope.** Nope. Yall go to Essempi while it go to Beasts academy

**Snapple crackle:** DREAM YOU KNOW A KID FROM BEASTS??? HELLO??? S I R????

**Dre:** Wat

**Snapple crackle:** HOW????????

**Dre:** Oh the principle tried to transfer me over cause I'm a god at football but I declined. Karl gace me a tour and we've been vibing ever since

**Snapple crackle:** re gets around damn O.O

**Karl;** Lol what did you expect I said I only know Dre and Wilbur

**Snapple crackle:** Wait how do you know wilbur?

**Karl:** Public theater class in 9th 

**Gwiblur Goot:** Yeyeyeyeye

**Karl:** Still crying over your role in Falsettos istg

**Gwiblur Goot:** haha

**Karl:** The chess...

**Gwiblur Goot:** We're just that good. I was just made to be Marvin

**FUNdy:** Yeah you both left your kids

**Gwiblur Goot:** IT WAS ONE JOKE

**FUNdy:** And it still stands

**Gogy:** Whats a falsetto?

**Karl:** Dysfunctional jewish family, man leaves wife for dick, wife marries phsycayatrist, Jasons Bar Mitzvah is literally the whole plot of act two, lesbians from next door.

**Gogy:** Oh. Honestly I've heard worse

**Karl:** It's so funky I love it

**Gwiblur Goot:** I would totally belt the opening song but I don't think the phrase "Four jews in a room bitching" Is the most socially acceptable line

**Karl:** Vouch

**Bird brain:** Litteraly where are the askers

**Snapple crackle:** Litteraly tho

**Karl:** I asked. Litteraly

shut

**Snapple crackle:** You hav eno rights

**Karl:** GUYS SNAPPLE IS HOMOPHOBIC

**Snapple crackle:** WH--?????

**Dre:** SAPNAP??? REALLY? RIGHT IN FRONT OF GEORGE???

**Gogy:** I LITTERALY HAD A GIRLFRIEND LAST YEAR???

**Snapple crackle:** Key word: had

**Gogy:** I literally hate it here

**Dre:** Good <3

**Karl:** What kind of name is "sapnap"

**Snapple crackle:** What kid if name is karl w a k?

**Karl:** I still hate you

**Snapple crackle:** I still hate you too <3

**Karl:** HHHHHH--

**Dre:** Yo why don't I get everyone to introduce themselves. i mean since you only know two people here

**Karl:** Sure it

**Dre: _@_** _everyone_ intro time bitches

**King:** I'm literally eating an apple

**FUNdy:** Another ball you're shoving in your mouth?

**King:** At least i can get more pussy than you

**FUNdy:** WOW OKAY AGRESSIVE MUCH

**King:** you know it baby <3

**FUNdy:** You disgust me

**King:** Homophobe

**FUNdy:** mhmm

**Timmyaintit:** Your all annoying 

**Technoblade:** *you're

**Gwiblur Goot:** Love that he only comes on to correct timmy

**Timmyaintit:** ITS NOT TIMYMTLKFMGLKDFN

**BEE:** teehee timmy

**Schlagg:** I hate all of you

**Bird brain:** Then why are you here

**Schlatt:** Possible dick pics from eret

**King:** It' still a no

**Schlatt:** I'll keep waiting

**Bird brain:**.... welp

**Dre:** cmon kids go on

**Timmyaintit:** FINE

Im _**Tommy**_ and I'm the biggest and bestest man here

**Technoblade:** yeah sure. Anyways I'm techno and i like swords :)

**Bird brain:** I'm Alex but call me Quackity UwU

**Snapple crackle:** Nick but call me Sapnap

**King:** Eret

**FUNdy:** Fundy owo

**Schlatt:** Furry

**FUNdy:** GTFO

**Schlatt:** No

**FUNdy:** Welp I tried

**Schlatt:** I'm Schlatt and yes i bite

**Nihachu:** Hes such a goat

**Gwiblur Goot:** NIKI WHERE HAVE YOU BEEN :D :,(

**Nihachu:** I've been grounded :(

**Gwiblur Goot:** Aw I'm sorry :(

**Nihachu:** It's fine I'm back now :D

**Gwiblur Goot:** :DDDDD

**King:** Breeders

**FUNdy:** Fruit loop

**King:** Furry /derogatory

**FUNdy:** I suddenly cant read I have no ribs

**Bird brain:** Vouch

**Karl:** wow, y'all wacky

**Snapple crackle:** Teehee I'm quirky uwu

**Karl:** Actually get out of existence

**Bird brain:** Wow Karl get some taste

**Karl:** I literally have drip

**Dre:** Vouch he has style besides that sweatshirt

**Karl:** I SPENT SON LONG MAKING TAT STFU

**Snapple crackle:** Housewife

**Karl:** I hate you even more

**Bird man:** Get you a mans who can sew

**Dre:** George???

**Gogy:** No

**Dre:** OwO?

**Gogy:** I'm gonna cry

**FUNdy:** Good

**Dre:** wow still salty?

**FUNdy:** He litteraly crashed our wedding

**George:** In grade THREE??

**FUNdy:** Yet you're still British

**Gogy:** Its called growing up in a British household

**FUNdy:** suuuuuuuure

**Gogy:** Dream why am I here???

**Dre:** Because I love you

**Gogy:** Litteraly shut

* * *

**Skep pee:** GUYSGUYSGUYSGUYSGUYSGUYSGUYSGUYSGUYSGUYSGUYSGUYSGUYD

**Bird brain:** Que?

**Karl:** you forgot the before punctuation omfg

**Bird brain:** Computer doesn't let me and I literally know I'm Mexican omfg

**Snapple crackle:** Omg my mans can whisper spanish in my ear u//w//u

**Bir brain:** You bet baby

**Karl:** Gross 

**Snapple crackle:** You're just jelous that you're not involved

**Karl:** YOu're literally so ugly omfg

**Bird brain:** You've literally never met him??

**Karl:** Have you? didn't dream say you were there for like one semester?

**Bird brain:** I was and i have duuh

**Snapple crackle:** you should come back here smh

**Bird brain:** uh I've been trying for moths but

**Snapple crackle:** YOU HAVE??????

**Bird brain:** Yeye I've got some family up there. Just gotta get the legal shit done and I'm good to go

**Snapple crackle:** SHHHH OMFG??? HELL YEAH

**Dre:** HES GONNA BE BACK BOYSSSSSSS

**FUNdy:** AAAAYYYYYEEEEEEEEE

**Bird brain:** EHEHEHEHEHEIEFHEDBGULBEBFEN

**Skep pee:** THER WAS THOSI CUREW GYT IN MY CLAS SJDNFJDFNJOEWNGDS

**Dre:** what--

**Schlatt:** Hold up I speak fluent Spanish and idiot

**Schlatt:** He said that there's a cute guy in his class

**King:** Oh pog??

**Skep pee:** HES SOO FUTE IM GONNA DIEDSSA

**King:** Then shoot your shot!

**Skep pee:** BUT I CANT IM TOO AKAWR AND HES DOSNKDVNDFKJNG

**King:** bruh just get his number omfg

**Skep pee:** HOW THFSOJVON

**King:** Ask???

**Skep Pee:** KJMFCDLJKNV

**Gogy:** Simp

**Skep pee:** Look whos talking

**Gogy:** Welp guess we're not friends anymore

**Skep pee:** pog

**Dre:** Just go up and talk to the dude istg

I'll get Vurb if you don't

**Skep pee:** you wouldn't 

**Dre:** Watch me 

**Dre** added **Spare toes pls** to the chat

**Spare toes pls:** Oh pog??

**Skep pee:** omfg no

**Dre:** do it

**Spare toes pls:** What tis it be my lads

**Dre:** Skeppy wont go up to a cute guy, do your worst

**Spare toes pls:** Oh worm?

Skepppyyyyyyyy

**skep pee:** Get the fuck away

**Dre:** then go up to him owo

**Skep pee:** no

**Spare toes pls:** TOE TIME TEEHEE

**Skep pee:** FINE OMFG

I HATE YOU ALL

**Dre:** love you too sis

**Skep pee:** I'm gonna regret this istg

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Writing this instead of doing schoolwork ahahaha


	3. Brrbrr music

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Techno screaming in pain

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Not me projecting my love and comfort for Rare Americans. istg that's all I was listening to while writing this  
> anywho-
> 
> also like-- half the chapter deleted itself so I had to rewrite it all
> 
> (tommy and Tubbo are 15. Just because it wouldn't be logical for freshman to be 16)

**Forgot to mention this, but Eret just graduated (they're around 18-19 here) and him and schlatt both know the "Dick pic" thing is a joke. Whenever he refers to people as honey he means it in a platonic, familial way. I don't want things to get weird so I felt it was important to note since I'm having schaltt be so old compared to the other characters. Most everyone is a senior/juinor except tommy, tubbo and a few other future characters**

**FUNy:** ERETERETERETERETERETERETERETERETERETERETERETERETERETERETERETERETERETERETERETERETERETERETERET

**King:** Omfg-- yes??

**FUNdy:** I NEED YOUR PLATFORMS

**King:** What--

**FUNdy:** I JUST NEED THEM

NO TIME TO EXPLAIN

NOW

**King:** audible sigh

**FUNdy:** ERET PLEASEEEEE

**King:** Which pair

**FUNdy:** Sparkly

**King:** If even one rhinestone falls off I'm bench pressing you into lava 

**FUNdy:** Fair price

**King:** omw

* * *

**FUNdy:** Mission success

**King:** I've never---

**Gogy:** heh?

**King:** He was getting something out of a tree

didn't bother to use a ladder

or climb it

he had to use my good platforms for it

then

oh hohohoho

then he just HAD to use em for more shit

I looked away for a minute

AND THE FUCKERS GONE??

So I go off on a search

and find him at my house when I go to compose myself 

AFTER SEARCHING FOR 2 HOURS??

this kid

THIS FUCKING--

He walks out

In my black strawberry dress

My boots

And a fucking tiara

Like--

**FUNdy:** Listen 

It's called

_trying new things_

**King:** BUT WHY WITH MY GOOD DRESSES AND BOOTS??

**FUNdy:** Cause it makes you mad

**King:** I can respect that

**Dre:** Fundy in a dress? I wanna see this

**Snapple crackle:** Thats so gay

**Dre:** Thats the point

**FUNdy:** O.O

**Snapple crackle:** Cant blame him tho

pretty man??

in a dress??

yes please sign me up

**Bird brain:** O///w///O???

**Snapple crackle** : After marriage

**Bird brain:** But sapnappppppp

**Sapnap:** Rules of the church sis

**Bird brain:** Damn you

**Snapple crackle:** Sure hon

**Gogy:** I wanted to sleep 

fuckers

**Dre:** All you do is sleep stfu

**Gogy:** Yet I'm still tired

**Dre:** your fault

**Gogy:** Im-- I'm not even gonna fight back I'm too exhausted

**Technoblade:** that makes the two of us

**Dre:** well look whos here

**Technoblade:** Im not here because I want to be. I'm here because Im lost

**Dre:** Where?

**Technoblade:** Yeah I got lost trying to find the askers

**Bird brain:** HAAAAAA LOSER DREAM

HE PULLED OUT THE ASKERS

HEHE

**Dre:** Michel Jackson?

**Bird brain:** Techno wheres the sword

**Technoblade:** About to be up your ass if you keep talking

**Bird brain:** Damn okay get the memo

**Technoblade:** But omfg I just wanna sleep

**BEE:** HEHEHE PARTY TIME

**Technoblade:** Please, no more

**Timmyaintit:** Your fault

**Gwilbur Goot:** Kids got a point

**Technoblade:** I didn't think it would've ended this badly

**Karl:** What did you do this time

did you take his discs again? Dream said sumn about that once

**Technoblade:** No

quite the opposite actually

**Karl:** Wdym?

**Technoblade** : I gave him music

**Karl:** Elaborate

**Technoblade:** I threw a spofity playlist at him

With some songs on it,

but I wanted to cause problems like I usually do

So after I knew he liked it, I broke the name to him

**Karl:** which would be??

**Technoplbade:** Rare Americans

**Karl:** whats wrong w that??

**Technoblade:** He honestly hates America

So when I told the little fucker, he had a fit of rage

Stormed off with Tubbo.

So it's three hours later

and Knives, Guns & Bed has been on loop

It's so bad I just want to sleep

I need to farm tomorrow

**Timmyaintit:** FUCK YOU BLADE BITCH

**Gwilbur Goot:** that's a new one

**Technoblade:** It's always a new one

**Timmyaintit:** Let me vibe

**Technoblade:** Listen, I understand enjoying songs. I stim like hell when I hear good songs. But this is too much

Please

**Gwiblur Goot:** Cmon tommy, he pulled out the please

he never pulls out the please 

**Technoblade:** Yeah Inever pull out the please

**Gwilbur Goot:** Pushing it

**Technoblade:** fine fine

**Timmyaintit:** hmmm

no

**BEE:** You tell em big man

**Timmyaintit:** HAHAHAH BRBR BITCH

**BEE:** YEAH HEHEHEHEHEHE

**Technoblade:** For gods sake just--- hhhhh

**Gwilbur Goot:** Welp. We tried

**Technoblade:** We did

**BEE:** cmon let us vibe

**Timmyaintit:** i might be inclined to blast Bear ghost instead, but for a price

**Gwilbur goot:** Sounds like a good offer, Techno

**Technoblade:** Hmmm... Something other than the horse fuckers.... maybe

What would be said price

**Timmyaintit:** You

help me

and tubbo

build

a 

bee farm

**Technoblade:** Excuse me?

**BEE:** you heard him

**Timmyainit:** It's either that or you hear this for the next week

**Gwilbur Goot:** Techno, you know that you couldd easily overpower him, right??

**Technoblade:** Too tired to body slam today

**BEE:** What's it gonna be big T

**Technoblade:** fine

But you better repay me

**Timmyaintit:** My repayment is stopping the song

**Technoblade:** I could do so many things to you but Phils punishments are amping up as of late

**Gwilbur Goot:** hahahahaha

**Technoblade:** Oh shut up you're just staying here temporarily you don't get harsh punishments cause you're not his legal kid 

**Gwilbur Goot:** And that's on family friends

**Snapple Crackle:** Since when are you not his legal kid? aren't yall adopted??

**Technoblade:** I am. Tommy's still technically a foster and Wilbur is a family friend

**Snapple crackle:** Damn

**Gwilbur Goot:** Yeah

**Timmyaintit:** I'm basically his son at this point fuckers just too lazy to do the paperssmh my head

**Technolbade:** Phil literally works 10 hours a day with saturdays off of course he's tired

**Timmyaintit:** Damn okayokay. It's not like I'm home half the time

**Technolbade:** Yeah idk why the Schlatts haven't adopted you yet

**Schlatt:** Cause my Brother is too broke to house a second kid and I'm staying the cool single uncle

**Snapple crackle:** EXCUSE ME WHAT???? UNCLE??? HELLO???

**BEE:** Oh yeah, Schlatts my Uncle. He doesnt like his name so we use the last one :D

**Snapple crackle:** Why is Tubbo the nephew of a college dropout

**Schlatt:** It was useless and his dad's old

**Snapple crackle:** Damn. i know nothing about yall

**Schlatt:** Well yeah your brain is the size of a pea

**Snapple crackleL:** True true

* * *

**Private message from Jschlatt**

**Jachlatt:** Hey Tubbs, you good bud?

**Tubbo:** Yeah yeah,, it's just something I don't really like to get into

**Jschlatt:** I know bud. You ever gonna tell em??

**Tubbo:** I don't think so. I mean, I just found out a month ago. Dad's been distant lately and mom has just flat out refused to acknowledge it.

**Jschlatt:** Understandable. You know you can talk to me about it, right?

**Tubbo:** I know i know. It's just hard to belive a lot of the time.

**Jachlatt:** Yeah. Honestly it was a weird experience. Your dad's a kind man. I mean things would be much worse if we had it your grandmothers way.

**Tubbo:** Yeah, but still. It all feels fake. Like I'm gonna wake up and SUPRISE it was a prank

**Jschlatt:** I know what you mean. Don't worry. you have plenty of time to process. More than I ever got

**Tubbo:** Thankyou JJ

**Jschlatt:** anytime bubs. Still want me to watch you tomorrow?

**Tubbo:** Not like my parents are gonna let me stay home alone. And I kinda want the company :D

**Jschlatt:** Of course 

* * *

"Hey Tubbo, Who ya texting?"

"...Just Schlatt"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I kinda let this write itself but more plot than I originally intended :DDDD ayeeee


	4. FUCK YOU

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Badboyhalo??

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Plot last chapter? hell yeah
> 
> not much this time 'round though, but there's a bit at the end
> 
> Schlatt is 31 in this story. you can prolly tell why (He's around 21 IRL I believe. he's not actually that old)
> 
> !!Also please read the blurb at the top of chapter 3 if you haven't. I'm gonna be writing in more context but I had to get that noted before things ended in a not so good way!!

**Bird brain:** I can't tell if I love or hate Karl

**Karl:** Well I sure as hell hate you :)

**Bird brain:** WHYYYYYY

**Karl:** Idk

**Snapple crackle:** Wow you're so mean

**Dre:** I mean y'all bully him so I don't blame 'im

**Snapple crackle:** You're just pissy stfu

**Dre:** nah

**Snapple crackle:** omfg

**bird brain:** QUESTION

**Dre:** Hit me

**Bird brain:** *smack*

anywho

**Dre:** omfg

**Bird brain:** So I was reading back, why is Schlat here again. I don't want him trying to adopt me again

**Dre:** Because Tubbo wanted his uncle here. And Phil wants an adult in the chat because there's been too many instances of someone getting lost or hurt and Phil finds out too late for his liking

**Schlatt:** Yeah. Also I had to abandon my teenage years SO I gotta make sure yall have the times of your lives

**Dre:** Weed?

**Schaltt:** No. maybe. 

**Dre:** good enough for me

**King:** sCHLATT I FOUND AN ACTUAL DICK PIC

**Schlatt:** YOU DID???

**King:** HAHAHAHA I DID

**Schlatt:** Well CMON??

_**King sent a photo** _

**Bird brain:** Omfg you meant guitar pic

I got so scared

**Schlatt:** Hell yeah

**king:** there my promise has been fulfilled

**Schlatt:** Thank you

**Dre:** So that's what the dic pic shit was about

**King:** Yah

oh damn yeah him asking out of context is kinda weird

o well

**Schlatt:** i got what i came here for 

My pitiful ife has been fulfilled now

**FUNdy:** Eret,, you fucker

**King:** Wa

**FUNdy:** nothing nothing.

**King:** Aight

**FUNdy:** Its just

**King:** Oh god

**FUNdy:** He got a dick pic before me

**King:** You don't even play guitar??

**FUNdy:** and Schlatt does??

**Schlatt:** I do

**King:** He does

I was just being stubborn because I didn't want to spend money. also it was funny to see him ask out of context

**FUNdy:** I'm so offended

**King:** Good

* * *

**Bird brain:** Takis time

**Snapple crackle:** I don't know if I want to kiss you or shove you off a bridge

**Bird brain:** Both

**Snapple crackle:** In which order?

**Bird brain:** I mean kissing in the water would be nice o//w//o

**snapple crackle:** U//w//U

**Karl:** Get a room

**Snapple crackle:** This IS a chat r o o m

**Bird brain:** Hes got a point

**Snapple crackle:** uwu

**Bird brain:** owo

**Timmyaintit:** WHY ARE YOU LIKE THIS???

**bird brain:** The drugs

**Timmyaintit:** You have the drug truck ith you??

**Bird brain:** Nah this is just me personal stash

**Timmyaitit:** Damn

**BEE:** Wow tommy, hog much??

**Timmyaitit:** Well I would share if you were here jfc

**Schlatt:** you know his parents rules

**timmyaintit:** Yeah yeah " No guests over when we're not home" blah blah

**BEE:** Would totally let you over but after last time they're making no acceptions except Schlatt :(((

**Timmyaintit:** Big sad from big man

**Schlatt:** Get lost let me spent time with the kid

**Timmyaintit:** okayokay damn

* * *

**Bird brain:** SAPNAP POOOOGGG

**Snapple crackle:** LETS GOOOOOO

**gogy:** what did he do this time

**Snapple crackle:** I GOT A JOB AHHHH

**Dre:** YO REALLY??

**Snapple crackle:** YEAH 

IM GETTING MONEY BAYBEEEE

**Gogy:** congrats man

Now you can drive us everywhere

**Snapple crackle:** What--

**Gogy: "** If you pay you drive" your rules not mine

**Snapple crackle:** I've betrayed myself. Nooooooooooooooooooo

**Dre:** hah have fun

**Snapple crackle:** Fuck you

**Dre:** I have so many responses to that

**Snapple crackle:** "I wish" yeahe yeah been there done that got the promotion

**Gogy:** I'm---

**Snapple crackle:** uwu

**Bird brain:** Celebratory dinner date?

**Snapple crackle:** I'll send you a recepie for your end teehee

**Gogy:**???

**Bird brain:** Dinner with the homies omfg hop off my dick

**Gogy:** fine fine omfg

**Bird brain:** What time??

**Snapple crackle:** 7pm my time

**Bird brain:** Pog

**Gogy:** Gay

**Dre:** Thats the point George

**Gogy:** I hate it here, sm

**Dre:** Happy to help <3

* * *

**Skep pee added BadBoyHalo to the chat**

**BadBoyHalo changed their name to BBH**

**BBH:** Hello :D

**Skep pee:** Hihi bad :)))

**Dre:** who tf---

**Skep pee:** Vurb threatened to steal my toes

**Dre:** Wdym--- oh

OH damn

**Skep pee:** Yeah

**BBH:** LAnguage 

**Dre:** huh---

**Skep pee:** Oh-- he doesn't like swearing 

**Dre:** ah gotcha

Have fun with Tommy then

**Timmyaintit:** I've been summoned???

**Dre:** No 

**Timmyaintit:** Fuck you

**BBH:** Language please :((

**Timmyaintit:** No

**BBH:** Please timmy??

**Timmyaitit:** ITS NOT TIMMY GBGFKLBNLFD

**BEE:** HAHAHAH

**BBH:**???

**Skep pee:** his name is Tommy

**BBH:** oooh, okay okay :3

**Dre:** Skeppy,, why??

**Skep pee:** Why not??

you're now to talk

**Dre:** fine fine I wont bother you smh

**Skep pee:** thankyou

anyways

Everyone

this is Bad

Bad, this is everyone

**BBH:** Hello!!

**BEE:** HIHI :DDDD

**Timmyaintit:** I already dislike them 

**BBH:** He/him*

**Timmyaintit:** I already dislike him

**BBH:** Giving me mixed signals

**timmyaintit:** Good.

**King:** Do I hear a pronoun check??

**Skep pee:** i think we do

**@everyone**

Pronoun check

**Timmyaintit:** He/him

**BEE:** He/Him :))

**Dre:** He/him

**Gogy:** he him

**Gwiblur goot:** whats going on?

Oh pronoun check

Hehim

**Technoblade:** He/HIm

**Nihachu:** She/her <3

**King:** He/She/They I don't mind if you use one or all

**BEE:** Schlatt said He/him :3

**Skep pee:** He/him uwu

**FUNdy:** He/him!!

**BBH:** Awe thanks guys

**King:** We do these every so often. Just a refresher. Also for when we add people :)

**BBH:** Well i appreciate it

Also can i ask you something

**King:** Mhmm

**BBH:** How would I use your pronouns??

**King:** "Look at Eret, her dress is really pretty. Do you think he has other ones? I like their boots" Or you can just pick one. I really don't care

**BBH:** Alright! <3

**Skep pee:** See i told you they're nice

**BBH:** Well from the way you talked about Dream it didnt seem like it >.<

**Dre:** I'm a fucking delight to be around, skeppy

**BBH:** Language, please

**Dre:** oops

I'm an absolute delight to be around, skeppy

**BBH:** :)))

* * *

**Timmyaintit:** TUBBOOOOOO

**BEE:** Ye??

**Timymaintit:** Can I come over yet??

**BEE:** oh, ye, Schlatt left like an hour ago

**Timmyaintit:** HELL YEAH

**BEE:** :DDDD

* * *

"So big man, hows Schlagg been? Did he bring the good takeout for you guys?" 

Tommy had found his way into Tubbos house around an hour ago. He immediately took over the basement couch and they had been watching miscellaneous Marvel movies for the past five hours, by request from the blonde.

"Oh- he's been doing good, and yes. Turning 31 hit him like a truck though" Tubbo replied, Tommy, laughed "He feels bad for missing out on things when he was a kid so he's trying to spend more time with me. Wants to make sure I don't regret anything when I'm older" Tubbo was sitting on the floor, piled in the blankets Tommy had thrown across the room

"He acts like a kid sometimes. It's so funny to see an old geezer run around like a toddler" Tommy had taken his eyes away from the T.V. to pay attention to the conversation, "But what caused him to miss out on so much? Like damn, did he get hospitalized or some shit?"

"Something like that." Tubbo let out a breath he didn't know he was holding, clutching the blanket harder " He doesn't go too into it. Said it was really stressful and he blocked a lot of it out. So It would be pointless to go back and even try to remember"

"Well if he does, he must have a cool scar from a hospital visit like that. Like once across his leg, or his stomach. OH WHAT IF IT'S ON HIS ASS-"

Tubbo had tuned him out. honestly, even he didn't know what was going on with his.. uncle. At least for the most part

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Not trying to rush the plot too much. Just sprinkling some things to get something to at least go back in the future
> 
> Go- Go stream Rare Americans and Bear Ghost. Please it's so good. Knives Guns & Bed, and Starkiller. Please those are such good songs. Please I need more people to rant to about it. Go listen to some Autoheart while you're at it, too (Lent, Foolishly wrong, and Love is the cure are some good starters)


	5. Chapter 5

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Teaser for what we're gonna call the "Crazy boysz"
> 
> also shennanagins

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> !!HEY!! I need help deciding what to do with Puffy. I'm still at a point in the story where I can make her either Tubbos current mom, or Nikis romantic interest. I dunno which one to pick honestly so if you could vote in the comments it would be a big help
> 
> (Also if puffy is chosen to be Tubbos mom, I have plans to have Minx and Niki have sumn going on)

**Skep pee:** The fact that Bads friends are worse than all of you baffles me

**Dre:** explain

**Skep pee:** So bad wanted me to sit with him at lunch today 

and he has friends, obviously

so I go to sit with them

Now, I already knew Vurb so we started chatting

Then

then the rest of them

**Dre:** So that's where you were at lunch

**Skep pee:** Yeah they sit in the B caf

**Dre:** Damn

**Skep pee:** So first was George (haha another one)

or Spifey

But that's borderline my name and I'm offended

So I call him beaver bitch

Anyways

he was honestly pretty chill

but the guy wouldn't stop shoving us together yelling "SKEPHALO" smhsmh

**Dre:** Like you didn't like that

**Skep pee:** Then TapL

He--

His hair's dyed

and

it looked like

karls sweater

he was also wearing one that kinda looked like it, too

**Dre:** I--

no..

**Karl:** add him

**Skep pee:** what--

**Karl:** Add him now

**Skep pee:** I'm not done with my story stfu

So

he was just kinda screaming the whole time

same with Beaver boy

and his hair was so funky

I loved it

He let me touch it

and he said he could dye mine sometime :DD

but

there's one more

one more person

**Dre:** which is???

**Skep pee:** Finn

he's--

he's scary

**Dre:** How so??

**Skep pee:** Okay so

he wears skirts, and dresses n shit

not the scary part

he fucking rocks it omfg i wish I could pull that off

but

his ego

HIS E G O

he's so confident

he's like technoblade

he's not afraid

he will step on you

and not in a good way

**Dre:** Oh damn

**Skep pee:** It was scary

**Dre:** I bet

I think I've met Finn

**Skep pee:** Prolly. Guy knows everyone istg

**Dre:** O well we'll figure it out 

**Karl:** I just wanted to exist

please

**Snapple Crackle:** Teehee

**Karl:** don't

I just wanted attention

**Dre:** I thought you hated him 

**Karl:** Extrovert tings

**Dre:** oooooh yeye

**Bird brain:** wow stealing my mans from me?? for shame

**Karl:** Listen I just wanted to try to play a game with him to see if he was worth my time time

but he's useless omfg

**Snapple crackle:** STFU jesus

**Karl:** I might be god but I'm not Jesus

**Snaple crackle:** Damn you

**Karl:** <3

**Bird brain:** The turns have tabled

**Snapple crackle:** You are very right my friend

**Bird brain:** Friend...???

**Snapple crackle:** Shh it was just fo the astetic

**Bird brain:**..... fine smh

**Snapple crackle:** Teehee

* * *

**BEE:** The fact that Tommy's listening to songs about Christmas is appalling

**Timmyaintit:** Litteraly shut their so GOOD?? 

Its not even Christmas music anyways

**BEE:** " 'zat you santa clause" ????

**Timmyaintit:** Its called artistic interpretation omfg

**King:** Where were you two today???

**Timmyaintit:** Wdym???

**King:** You weren't at the meeting today???

**BEE:** we had school today???

**King:** omfg

**BEE:** Tommy slept over last night dont attack me

**Timmyaintit:** It was godly

**BEE:** It really was

**King:** You two are horrible omfg

**Timmysintit:** Thats the point

**BEE:** yeyeyeyeyeyeyeyeyeye

**King:** The both of you missed the new members but go off if

**BEE:** WAIT REALLY

**Timmyaintit:** ADD THEM

**King:** No

You can wait till next Wednesday to meet them

**Timmyaintit:** CMONNNNNN

**King:** No.

And I already asked anyways. they didn't wanna be in any groupchats ://

**BEE:** Damn

**Timmyaintit:** Well said big T

**Gwiblur Goot:** you bastards

**BEE:** oop

**Timmyaintit:** GOTTA SCOOT TEHE

**Gwilbur Goot:** Where were you Timothy

**Timmyaintit:** THATS NOT MY MANDMNFERKNGD

**Gwiblur Goot:** Where were you today

Phils going to beat my ass

**Timmyaintit:** Nah he's gonna go after techno. Watching him scream for his knives back is funny

**Gwiblur Goot:** I WAS THE ONE WHO WAS SUPPOSED TO PICK YOU UP AFTER YOUR CLUB MEETING?? BUT YOU WERE NEVER THERE??? 

**Timmyaintit:** Cmon big man I always have sleepovers on school nights

**Gwiblur Goot:** But you're usually at school the next day >:(

**Timmyaintit:** hhhhh wilburrrrrrrrrr

**Gwiblur Goot:** Home

home

now

**Timmyaintit:** Homehome

**Gwilbur Goot:** Tommy.

**Timmyaintit:** finefinefinefinefinefinefinefinefinefine

* * *

**Timmyaintit:** #grounded

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I was listening to the nutcracker soundtrack while writing this. It hits hard  
> https://open.spotify.com/album/4b0FZrzwnaXWQSZWjPkm2t?highlight=spotify:track:1Ice2U7K1t2AJrJyXGlBO6


	6. Backstreets back ALRIGHT

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Yes, you're getting Quackity story lore before Schlatt. Have fun w that ya fucking rats 
> 
> (I'm a poet confirmed????)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for not posting this the other day. I can only write so much until my inspiration and motivation runs dry
> 
> Still listening to The Nutcracker.  
> Istg ballet is fucking cool. Props to those who can do it cause that's pure fucking talent right there my guy/gal/pal

**BEE:** tommy got grounded D:

**FUNdy:** Not surprised

**King:** Same

**BEE:**???

**King:** You know exactly why

**BEE:** Been caught red handed

**King:** you have

you're lucky I haven't taken away your bee badge

**BEE:** NO PLEASEMY BEE HONORSHIPIS ALL I HAVE

**King:** Exacly

**BEE:** :,)))

audible sobbing

Autocorrect saves me sometimes

**King:** honestly same

**FUNdy:** My phone likes to put DISNEYLAND in all caps

so fun

**BEE:** DISNEYLAND TEEHEE

**King:** Don't get him worked up omfg

**FUNdy:** too late teehee

**King:** God why did I come back to this damn school

**Bird brain:** Wait why is Eret in a club if she graduated last year??

**King:** No classes on Wednesdays,, and the teachers liked me so they said I could run it a bit longer :)

and most of the members are underclassmen. not even Juniors. So someones gotta look out for em

**Bird brain:** Valid

When can I join

**King:** Wait

wait

So when ou said you were coming back

You weren't fucking with us??

**Bird Brain:** Omfg yes why doesn't anyone belive me *eye roll*

**King:** that's why

**Bird brain:** Yes I'm coming back when can I join smh

I'll be your diversity hire

It's a fucking like-- diversity club or whatever its called

**King:** *equality

but go off if

**Bird Brain:** Who came up with that??? tf??

**King:** A sophomore when they started it

And besides

Anyone that's not a breeder is basically a diversity hire

you're not special

**Gogy:** I don't know whether to take breeder as offensive or not

**King:** yes

**Gogy:** Good enough for me

**Bird Brain:** Wait what does the club do again??

**King:** omfg

We do things like assemblies on how to not be a bigot and racist

**BEE:** *We do presentations on how to treat LGBTQ or POC people with respect :DDD

**FUNdy:** DONT FORGET THE PRIDE MONTH THINGS WE DID

**King:** Omg the number of promposals that went on in that first week was amazing

**BEE:** SEEING PEOPLE COME OUT BY DOING THEM WAS CUTE, TOO :DDD

**FUNdy:** It really was

**Bird Brain:** Yanno what that sounds 

like

a lot of work

ngl

**King:** I usually do most of it

**Bird Brain:** I'm in 

**BEE:** DDDDD:

**King:** Me and Tubbo do most of the work

**BEE:** :))))

**FUNdy:** Not even gonna argue

**Bird brain:** Okay okay wait-- so is everyone in it lgbt or a mix of lgb and allys-??

**King:** It's a mix. Tubbo, Tommy, and George are straight

**Bird Brain:** Poggers man

oops gotta go brb

**King:** Damn dipped real quick

**FUNdy:** Speedy little man

**BEE:** Very speedy

* * *

**Technoblade:** have a craving for HotPockets

**Schlatt:** Me too, kid

me too

**Gwilbur Goot:** Why hot pockets??

**Technoblade:** I was making one for Phil

But the microwave wasn't working

And it fell out

so I picked it up

and ate it

**Gwilbut Goot:** I'm---

**Technoblade:** It's not bad,, for food

**Nihachu:** Tehcno, did you eat it cold

**Technoblade:** Maybe

**Nihachu:** Technoblade

**Technoblade:**...

I was ravenous

The hunger needed to be quenched

The voices craved something that resembled blood

**Nihachu:** Bad tehno

you don't eat floor pockets

**Technoblade:** Yes niki

**Nihachu:** you only eat them when they're clean

**Technoblade:** Yes niki

**Skep Pee:** What did you do TO HIM NIKI

**Gwilbur Goot:** Shes the person who gave him his ego

she can easily take it away

**Nihachu:** <3333

**Technoblade:** Soup time instead

**Gwilbur Goot:** *Bipedal frog walking* SOUP TIME

**Technoblade:** Get out

**Gwilbur Goot:** Yessir

* * *

**Bird brain:** Okayokay

so

hehe

I was talking with my parents

and

after fucking MONTHS of work

I'M COMING BACK BAYBEEEEE

ITS OFFICIAL

**Dre:** WHOOPWHOOP LES GOOOO

**BEE:** YAAAAAY :DDDD

**Snapple crackle:** YAYAYAYAYAYAYAYAYAYAYAYAYAYAYAYA

**Brid brain:** Still working some things out, like when I'm actually coming out there BUT its happeninggggggggg

**Snapple crackle:** Hell yeah hehe

**Bird Brain:** Is that old convenience store still open

**Snapple crackle:** You know it baybeeee

**Bird Brain:** Hehe daily slushies

**Snapple crackle:** yesyesyesyes

**Gogy:** Yay now I've got to deal with him

**Bird brain:** Awwwe dont worry gogy I'm not THAT close to you

**BEE:**???

**Gogy:** His extended family lives in my complex. Thats how I met the bastard

**Dre:** Just makes it easier for hangouts owo

**gogy:** GTFO

**Dre:** *sobbing*

* * *

**Private messages with Panda mans**

**Panda mans:** okayokay

so

you're actually coming back??

like--

really coming back???

**Quackity:** YES OMFG DUDE

**Panda mans:** Well sorry that you like to fuck w me sometimes *scoffs*

**Quackity:** We can revamp the cuddle squad hehe

**Panda mans:** Smh sorry ut we cant

**Quackity:** WDYM????

**Panda mans:** Dream and gogmeister made their own cuddle club

WITHOUT US

**Quackity:** ugh our plans have been ruined

**Panda mans:** I mean

you still got meeeee

So like

**Quackity:** O(-<

**Panda mans:** bruh

**Quackity:** So just

cuddle duo??

**Panda mans:** maybeeee

**quackity:** i mean

I

guess

i 

can

comply

**Panda mans:** YAYAYAYAYAYAYAYAYAYAYA

**Quackity:** Ahem

anywhoooo

What about your work??

**Panda mans:** Oh

I don't do long hours

and I only work on Sundays and Wednesday atm

It hasn't been long so it's not like I'm working sum 9-5 shit 5 days a week

**quackity:** Good point

also

can i stay at your place for the first few days or week

fams redoing the spare room I used last time

They took it down and they're not getting what they need for me until a few days after I arrive

Prefer not to sleep in the the living room with my uncle

**Panda mans:** Yeah yeah ofc

Also

Dream wants to do a big meetup when you get here

It's been what-- almost 2 years??

**Quackity:** Omfg you're right

yeah sure sure i'd love that

is it w everyone in the chat??

**Panda mans:** yeye

**Quackity:** Ew is that karl guy gonna be there??

**Panda mans:** Idk. not like I've ever met the dude

**Quackity:** Welp

gues you'll be able to know he's there cause none of use have like ever met him

besides dream and wilbur

**Panda mans:** Ooooo smart smart

**Quackity:** obvi

Oops gotta go its like-- 10 and i got stuffs to do tmrrw

night night

**Panda mans:** Nightman

* * *

_**Message from Panda mans11:20 pm:** _

**Panda mans:** Going to bed now, talk to ya tomorrow <3 :)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Got plans for two arcs so far. Technically three but that ones gonna be a setup and a part of one of em so I'm counting it as two ngl  
> trying not to go too fast with this. I know I gotta work on pacing I'm just excited


	7. Lets get it

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> mmmm plot

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It's all slowly coming together  
> slowly  
> I think  
> I have no concept of time
> 
> did you know that the closer you get to a black hole the slower time can go for you? its so wacky. You, and another person could circle a black hole for 5 years, you closer and them further. You go back to earth, 5 years older, and the other person could be 80 years older. Fucking weird shit

**FUNdy:** Okayokayokayokayokayokayokay

so

uhm fun news

I can't make the meetup

**Bird brain:** ESCUSEH ME??

**FUNdy:** IM SORRY

MY MOM WANTS ME TO HELP HER OUT W SOME THINGS

YALL KNOW SHES A BIT FUCKED IN THE MEDICAL DEPARTMENT

NOT MY FAULT THE UNIVERSE SAID "mm yeah- so your legs are useless"

**BEE:** Miss Sally??

**FUNdy:** yeye

**BEE:** AH I LOVE HER I DIDNT KNOW SHE WAS YOUR MOM???

**FUNdy:** where do you think I got my musical talent from??

**Dre:** Wilbur

**FUNdy:** shut 

the fuck up

**Gwiblur Goot:** I mean

Fundys mom

has got it going on

**FUNdy:** please not again

**Gwilbur Goot:** shes all I want

and I've waited for so long

Fundy, cant you see

you're just not the guy for me

I know it might be wrong but

**Bird brain:** IM IN LOVE WITH FUNDYS MOM

**FUNdy:** I absolutely

positively 

hate it here

**Gwilbur Goot:** Get ready to have a dad, funds

**FUNdy:** NO ABSOLUTELY NOT

**Gwilbur Goot:** don't yell at your stepfather like that

go to your room

**FUNdy:** I'm--

why 

just

why

one day

is all I ask for

please

my mom doesn't deserve this

please

Wilbur please

one day

without you hitting on her

please

I beg of you

please

please

poor favor

**Gwilbur Goot:** :)

**Dre:** anywho

So funds is out

**Bird brain:** smh my head

**FUNdy:** dude I'm really sorry, but there's only so much my mom can do 

**Bird brain:** Fine fine I wont hold it against you 

**FUNdy:** :DDD

I'll make it the day after, I promise

**Bird brain:** You better

**Dre:** Everyone else is showing up, right?

**Gwilbur Goot:** Plan on bringing the Za household

**Dre:** why Za?

**Gwilbur Goot:** Because calling them the Minecraft boys is cringey

**Dre:** Valid

**BEE:** Wilbur??

**Gwilbur Goot:** Yeah??

**BEE:** Can you pick me up? Schlatts car broke again :(

**Gwilbur Goot:** Yeas Tubbs, ofc

**BEE:** Ayooooo

**Dre:** I'm gonna be driving Sap, George, and Eret to the port, anyone else need a ride??

**Skep pee:** Oof sorry was doing work cause falling behind :P

But I can drive myself up!

Oh and could bad come??

**Bird brain:** Sure. the more the merrier. and the more to annoy

**Dre:** where's he been anyways? Haven't seen him in the chat like at all

**Skep pee:** He muted it :p

aand he's got a bit of anxiety abt the group

NOT THAT ANY OF YALL ARE BAD

he just needs to warm up to yall :DD

**Dre:** Welp this'll be a nice chance to properly mee the guy uwu

**Skep pee:** I cant wait he's so nice

**Dre:** *eyes emoji* owo??

**Skep pee:** Nvm not coming

**Bird brain:** Wtf dream

**Dre:** finefinefinefinefinefinefine

**Skep pee:** thankie

**Dre:** @Karl

**Karl:** ye??

**Dre:** Wanna come??

**Karl:** UUhh-- idk

I dont wanna intrude

i mean

its Qs first time back in a while yall should spend it together 

**Dre:** Awe cmon mann you're a part of the group :(((

**Bird Brain:** Ooop

**Karl:** I'm gonna have to sit this one out, man. sorry :(((

**Dre:** Uuuugh fiiiiiiiine

anyways

is everyone good??

**Gwilbut Goot:** M pretty sure

**Bird Brain:** I mean I've been packed for weeks now so im all good to fly high

**Gwilbur goot:** Fly high, or fly, high???

**Bird brain:** Yes

**Gwilbur Goot:** Informative

**Bird brain:** YOu know it 

**Dre:** alrighty

lets get it boys

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Next chapter is where the plot thickens
> 
> Will I write it today?
> 
> will I write it next week? 
> 
> idk
> 
> but
> 
> it'll happen soon


	8. So, we meet again

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> He's home :)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> !! PLEASE READ THE NOTE AT THE BOTTOM WHEN YOU'RE DONE !!
> 
> anywho here's the song that's gonna pop up later, suggest playing while you read (when you get to the point it comes on :) )
> 
> https://open.spotify.com/album/4wuOwYkA8eqob0D0WIXGof
> 
> its the first song

Two weeks. Teo weeks ago, Dream was halping Alex plan the meetup. Two weeks ago, him and Sap had planned out what they were gonna do on their so called "BFF date", and two weeks ago, he was excited to finally see his closest friends again.

  
Mexico was great. He loved it. His family, his friends, and the memories from his childhood were all right here. But hat one, one semester. The one semester he took, because he just had to be adventurous and beg his parents to go to America to see their extended family he only sees once every 5 years. That one semester he took that was supposed to go quickly and quietly. That one semester he took that lead to him having the bestest friends any person could ever ask for. The one semester that kept his mind running at eighty million miles per minute. 

  
There wasn't really anything he could say. The first night he spent in his -home? Yeah.. home- felt, unnatural. There wasn't the chance that Dream, Sap, and Eret would throw rocks at his window to get him to skate with them at 3 in the morning on a school night. There was no chance for George to just knock on the apartment door, complaining that his heating was down and he needed a "cuddle buddy" to keep him warm through the wintery nights. (This is what lead to the cuddle squad) There was no Eret, to stomp around in their platforms, swaying to some random spanish song that was playing from the radio. There was no Tommy and Tubbo, to annoy him. No Schlatt to try and sell the kid his fake currency, or to try and adopt him so he could legally stay in the states. No Fundy and Wilbur, to fight over who could play the one piano in the school and room. No Skeppy, to pull out random piences of jewelry that his parents had recently crafted, with various gems and trinkets weaved within them. 

  
Most of all, no Sapnap. No best friend.

  
It's not like he couldn't contact any of them. He could do so very easily. But it felt... wrong. He knew that they were upset. 

just seeing their faces as he walked to his terminal were more than enough to show how upset they were. 

* * *

_"Awe c'mon man! it's your last few days here. We gotta make 'em count!"_

  
_Sapnap and Quackity had been sitting in the latter's room. Either running around and chasing each other with whatever obscure object they found on the dirty floor, or sitting on the bed and humming to the music coming from the speakers. Sapnap was ademant on running around town , doing whatever they could together before Alex inevitably, had to leave._

_Although, either could bring themselves to move. It was a calm moment. One of the few the two boys shared._

_"Still stuck in bed. Try to remember how. Unscrew my head. That's too left brain right now"_

_The song blasted from the speakers. Saps music taste has always been pure horse shit. But some of the songs had a nice beat to them and they were fun to dance to. The high BPM in them was probably thanks to dream, who was listening to the boys Spotify on a constant basis._

_"If you're sad and you know it, and you don't wanna show it clap your hands"_

_It was a bit funny. Alex was honestly really sad about leaving. Masking it with jokes and teasing of "I'll illegally cross the border" or "I can just take a boat!". It lifted the spirits of most of the group, but there was an overbearing dread havering over the group of teenagers_

_"It's getting hard to justify my thoughts. And where I'm coming from"  
_

_The lyrics echoed through the small room. bouncing off of the bright red walls_

_"If you're sad and you know it, and you don't wanna show it clap your hands"_

_Alex smiled, lifting his arms up and clapping loudly to the song. Sapnap looked over at him, chuckling and raising his arms to join the boy._

_They both could see through the joke like glass. It was obvious. But they laughed along and kept clapping. They clapped as loud as they could. Arching their plams to let the sound echo throughout the house._

_He was going to miss this_

* * *

He held his ticket in his hand. Finally. After months, almost **years** of waiting, he was finally going back. Back to some of the most important people in his life. It was an emotional moment, and there was no reason for it. Who knew only a few months in a random town in Florida could lead to something like this. He was finally, finally going home, and he couldn't fucking wait.

* * *

**Bird brain:** Aight sister we do be landing soon doe

**Dre:** Already here :))

**King:** This is so exciting 

**Snapple crackle:** AHAHDKJHERI YEEEESSSSSSSS ITS TAKING FOREVER

**Bird brain:** Not my fault the plane can't go light speed mode jfc

**Gogy:** We're all literally standing in one big group why are you all texting

**Timmyaintit:** Look whos talking

**Gogy:** touche

**BEE:** AND QUACKITYS NOT HERE WE GOTTA TALK TO HIM SOMEHOW FDJVLERNF

**Timmyaintit:** Good point big T, good point

**Gwilbur Goot:** Tommy get your ass over here. you wanted a drink and you're ordering it

**Timmyaintit:** but why tho

**Gwilbur Goot:** Because I'm paying

**Timmyaintit:** Cant see you, you cant see me

**King:** I'll bring him

**Timmyaintit:** Please no

**Timmyaintit:** Done been caught, deceased

**BEE:** Rip timothy tisnt it

**Timmyaintit:** RIP

**Dre:** Omfg why are you all like this

**FUNdy:** Hows it going??

**King:** He still hasn't landed and tommys being a little bitch

**Timmyaintit:** <3

**Technoblade:** He really hit you with the heart

**King:** And you can shut the fuck up

**Technolbade:** I literally beat you in a sword fight, in a pair of your platforms. Quiet

**Gwilbur Goot:** Hes got a point

**Technoblade:** :)

**Snapple crackle:** WHENS HE LANDINGF DKVNDFKNVESNGDO

**Skep pee:** Kalm down

**Snapple crackle:** NO

**Skep pee:** I tried

**Gogy:** You really did

**BEE:** very hard try Big Man

**Skep pee:** ikik

* * *

**Timmyaintit:** I SAW HIS PLANE LAND I THINK ERET LIFT ME HIGHER FKEFJDFNVEKJRNG

**Snapple crackle:** DKLFNEKJFNIEWOFNOJR

**Dre:** Omfg you're all horrible

* * *

The group had gathered near the terminal. a large sign reading " **WELCOME HOME ~~QUAC~~ ALEX!! <3"** held between Wilbur and Eret, as they were the tallest and could lift it over the crowd. There were people flooding out in mass, yet no sign of the short beanie wearer. George and Niki had been stationed at the baggage claim, just in case Alex slipped past them.

A bright blue hat came into view, setting the wearer apart from the crowd like a sore thumb. His black bangs poked our from every side in a crazy, yet neat way. his blue sweater was also very notable. The crowd dissipated after a moment, leaving the blue-covered man alone in the center of the floor. 

The small carry-on back had dropped to the floor, tears welling in his eyes as he ran to the small crowd of high schoolers (and graduates)

Sapnap was the first out of the small crowd to receive a hug. Alex b-lined to him the second they caught each other's eyes, running into the brunette's arms, almost knocking him over. It felt surreal, to say the least. 

They spend the next thirty minutes distributing hugs and "Welcome back's" Much to Alex's delight, Tommy willingly hugged him, although it was difficult considering the height difference

* * *

**Snapple crackle:** Maybe taking separate cars wasn't the best idea :(((

**Bird brain:** Oh stfu you're just pissy i cant sit w u

**Dre:** hah pissbaby

**Gogy:** Look whos talking

**Dre:** one time people. ONE TIME

**Gwilbur Goot:** I'm gonna crash this damn car istg

**Timmyaintit:** You wouldn't tho :)))

**Technoblade:** I dunno, he probably would. He did accidentally blow up your school project, remember??

**Timmyaintit:** Still salty

**Technoblade:** We know

**BEE:** wait which car is Quack in anyways? Wouldn't he be in Dreams??

**Bird brain:** nikis :))

head hurtie

tired

none of you are ever quiet

but

she is

so 

here I am

**Snapple crackle:** Guess you're missing out on the food then

**Bird brain:** Niki can wake me :D

**Snapple crackle:** damn you

**Bird brain:** Shut, I'm tired as all hell and I'm hungry as fuck

**Nihachu:** All of you get off your phones and let the guy sleep :((

**Dre:** e can mute it

**Bird Brain:** Idk how and I need my ringer up for when my parents inevitably call me smh

**Gogy:** Welp you heard the woman, scoot rats

**BEE:** HISSSSSS

**Timmyaintit:** BARK BARK WOOF ARF WOOF WOOF BARK WOOF HOWL ARF BARK WOOF

**Skep pee?** Did you just say 'howl'?

**Timmyaintit:** You heard me bitch boy

**Skep pee:** Okay then

**Nihachu:** Phones off please :))

* * *

**Dre:** I'm picking up some Wendys, what do yall want??

**Snapple crackle:** NUGGS

**Skep pee:** BURG

**Gogy:** Wendys is shit

**Dre:** But its cheap

**Bird Brain:** Just get me whatever sap is getting 

now everyone stfu

**Dre:** Damn okay ill just go to dms then *scoffs*

* * *

**Dre:** Niki we're meeting at my place :))

**Nihachu:** I could tell my car is literally right behind yours

**Dre:** Oh yeah

**Nihachu:** Eyes on the road dre

**Dre:** Shhhh let it happen

That sounded

so predatory

**Snapple crackle:** WHEEZE--

**Gogy:** Shut

* * *

Once the group had arrived at Dreams, Alex was out cold. Sap had taken it upon himself to carry the sleeping teen into the house and laying him across the couch as everyone bickered over what movie to watch

Everyone was spread out around the living room. Tommy and Tubbo had taken over the corner of the room, a pile of cushions, pillows, and blankets messily thrown together. Eret, Niki, and Wilbur sat together on the loveseat. Nobody knows how they pulled it off but seeing Wilbur sat on Erets lap, with Niki on top of him was too wholesome to interrupt. Dream and George squished together on the end of the couch, taking up the space that Sapnap and Quackity weren't. 

"I'm bored. Can we watch Avengers?" Tommy asked from his pillow fort. Tubbo sat up in response, "What? No lets watch Disney!"

"Gonna have to side with Tubbo on this one," Wilbur responded from his cuddle pile "I've already seen this movie, anyways" (The Perks of Being a Wallflower)

"Can we watch Aristocats?" Bad asked, rolling over to grab the remote from the small coffee table

"Why that one? It's just French cats getting lost" Sapnap complained, leaning his head back. Quackity, half asleep on his lap runted in agreement, rolling over to face the ceiling

Skeppy smiled, taking the remote from Bad and searching up the movie on Dreams disney plus account "I think it's a good one. and the songs slap **hard** "

Eret raised their hand, pointing over to Skeppy "Thomas O'malley is the best song on that track" 

"What about Ev'rbody wants to be a cat?" Niki asked, rolling her eyes 

"Eh, It's okay" 

Dream sighed and kicked Skeppys back "Just play it" Skeppy smiled and clicked around before he found the movie. He pressed play and placed the remote back on the table, and smiled as the opening song played through the speakers.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> !!SO SORRY FOR ANY CONFUSION DURING READING!!
> 
> I originally had no plans for this, just letting it write itself. It was just supposed to be some elaborate shitpost w a little bit of plot to spice it up, but its really diverting from that. I'm really liking the ideas I've come up with and I plan on going with them. A lot of inspiration for this story came from Number Neighborhood by Depressed_Anon  
> Go read it, it's a really good chatfic :)))
> 
> I put a blurb in the notes of chapter one if you'd like to read it but next update is gonna be a bit of an apology/clear up for the future. I'll make sure the prewrite a real chapter though, as to not disappoint y'all. again, really sorry for any confusion while reading
> 
> Anywho,, yes the tags said karlnapity, not quacknap. I'm gonna build up to that but I wanna get quackity and saps lil arc shit thing finished or else karls not gonna be written into it well.


	9. An explanation (not a chapter im so so sorry)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Written in the notes as to not mess with the word count

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, I've got a bit of explaining to do heh
> 
> First off, I originally didn't have any plans for this story. It was something I was gonna let write itself, but as you can tell, that's not really the case anymore. It was supposed to be a crack chatfic that had little to no backbone and was purely for entertainment purposes. Since I haven't seen many chat fics I just wanted to add to the collection. But, alas, I was blessed with ideas upon ideas. So, the first few chapters don't really seem to fit with what I have planned. Not to say that they're completely non-canon to the story, but they don't relly apply all that much. 
> 
> Now, (thankfully) I've got something of a plan. Still ironing out some things and getting some ideas but it's going to be more cohesive from this point on. 
> 
> Onto my second point: My writing ability
> 
> I know, that it's not the best. This isn't me fishing for compliments or looking for pity. Objectively, if I were to give this to someone who actually knew what they were doing there would be a lot of issues with it. That was kinda the main reason I went for a chat fic. Since there's really only the need to portray conversation without any description of actions, scenery, and such. It's a lot easier for me to tell the story I want to tell. I do plan of having a few chapters like the last one, more so for bigger events and just for things that can't be portrayed in the chat. I do plan to keep everything most tied to the group chat but apologies, if the actual writing gets annoying/, is mediocre
> 
> No, I don't have a beta. Might ask my friend Bibi, tho. Bibi ik you're reading this. hi :D
> 
> Also might drop my spotify if ya want idk

There has to be 10 characters at least omfg

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> TLDR;
> 
> Story gonna be better, writing bad but we practice, Spotify?


	10. The Chipotle

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Let them vibe pls

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Imagine staying to your updated schedule. Couldnt be me

**FUNdy:** So how'd last night go??

**Dre:** Painful

**Snapple crackle:** Oh stfu you literally got to sleep most of the night

**Dre:** I mean you chose to stay up till 7am w Quack man

**Bird brain:** I LITTERALY JUST GOT BACK???

**Dre:** not my problem

**Bird brain:** This is harassment

Sap hold me

where are you tf

**Snapple crackle:** I was out getting you food omw

**King:** My legs are in pain

**Gwilbur Goot:** You were the one who let me and Niki sit on you

**King:** Well I didn't think I was going to fall asleep during Aristocats smh

**Skep pee:** We binged so many diney movies

so many

**Timmyaintit:** I stopped paying attention during Frog romance

**BEE:** Same same

**BBH:** Why did you all stay up so late DDD:

**Skep pee:** You did too??

**BBH:** I think I fell asleep at 11

**Skep pee:** Well that makes a lot more sense

**BEE:** Why are we not in the fort??

I just realized

We woke up 10 minutes ago and just realized

**Timmyaintit:** I've been angred

**Technoblade:** "Angred"

**Gogy:** Wilbur and Niki moved you and Tommy after you fell asleep since we needed blankets

**Dre:** Be lucky you two got the guest room. Skep and Bad slept on the floor

**Skep pee:** I was comfy stfu

**BBH:** It was:D

**FUNdy:** Sounds eventful

**Karl:** Not me getting assigned a huge ass project

**Dre:** Heh??

**Karl:** Yeah so like the other day we were assigned a project. And this morning they said it was due in two weeks and is worth like 40% of our grade

and my grades already suck

so

hah

having fun

Also why I hadda turn you down for yesterday

**Dre:** Bruh then w o r k o n I t

**Karl:** I HAVE BEEN FOR THE PAST 5 HOURS??

I needed a b r e a k

Anywho

how'd Quackity's return go??

**Snapple crackle:** tired

**Karl:** Pff I bet

**bird brain:** I really hate u rn

**Snapple crackle:** I literally got you chipotle

**Bird brain:** <33333

**Snapple Crackle:** Thats what I fucking thought

**Dre:** Both of you are horrible

**Gogy:** Where did bad and Skeppy go btw??

**Skep pee:** Hadda drop him off at his place uwu

**Gogy:** Damn

**Skep pee:** Oh shut up

**Dre:** Welp,, @FUNdy you coming over today??

**FUNdy:** yeye I'm all good

**Snapple crackle:** what did you even have to do last night??

**FUNdy:** Some shelves caved and broke, and they kinda fucked w the wall, so we had to repaint and reinstall them

Can't afford to hire someone to do it so Mama painted while I did the shelves

**Gwilbur Goot:** mama

**FUNdy:** Wilby

**Gwilbur Goot:** Fair fair

**Dre:** Dude

You could've asked for help

wtf

**FUNdy:** Nah s good

I was nice to spend time with her anyways

**Bird brain:** I wanna see her again omfg her cooking is GODLY

**Gwilbur Goot:** It really is omfg

**FUNdy:** Well is there a plan for today? cause we can all just hang at my place

**Bird brain:** OMFG PLEASE??? CAN WE????

**Gogy:** Oh god please no I can't handle wilbur being weird again

**Dre:** Nobody: 

Wilbur: **_MILFS_**

**FUNdy:** MY MOMS NOT A MILF I---

**Gwilbur Goot:** Okay but I don't have an argument 

**Nihachu:** Wilbur please dont

please

**King:** Wilbur just one family dinner

that's all I ask

**Gwilbur Goot:** Family dinner you say??

**Nihachu:** Eret what did you do

**Gwilbur Goot:** oh ill give you a fucking family dinner

**FUNdy:** Welp, nice knowing yall

**Gwilbur Goot:** Get ready Fundy,, dads coming home with the milk and ciggs

**FUNdy:** NOOOOOOOOOOO

ERET WHYYYYYYY

WHY DID YOU DO THIS TO ME????

AHAHAHHHHHHHHHHHHHH

**Timmyaintit:** Try living with him

**FUNdy:** Try having your mom be hit on by him

**Timmyaintit:** Again, try living with him

**Dre:** So is the fundy house visit off the table or....???

**FUNdy:** I need to think about it more I'm scared now

**Gwilbur Goot:** Awww cmon funds

**FUNdy:** No. nope. nadda. gone. banned. deceased

**Dre:** So---

**Snapple Crackle:** I'm stealing Q we're gonna go to my place

yall gross

**Gogy:** I litteraly did nothing

**Snapple crackle:** suuuuuuure

**Bird brain:** CAN WE GET ICEY CWEAM

**Snapple crackle:** Not when you say it like that ew

**Bird brain:** Fuck you

**Snapple crackle:** ^^^^^^^^

**Bird brain:**........

Best friend applications open

owo

**Snapple crackle:** Oh wow look at this delicious chipotle in my passenger seat

**Bird brain:** I'm sorry shawty, for committing so many sins. i no longer hold you to any negative thoughts i love thee very much <333

**Snapple crackle:** mmmmmmhhmmm

**Dre:** Both of you are concerning

**Snapple crackle:** Thats the point my mans

**Bird brain:** hehe

**snapple crackle:** anywho I'm in the driveway get your ass out here q

**Bird brain:** teehee

* * *

**Messages with Panda mans:**

**Panda mans:** YOu getting out here or what??

**Quackity:** yeye

**Quackity:** Hey can I like... not talk? My energy is drained from last night n stuff--

**Quackity:** Oke thanks

**Quackity:** It was nice.. it feels great to be back, honestly

**Quackity:** Well of fucking course I'm gonna miss my family. But you guys are my family too. 

**Quackity:** Oh shut it I've said worse

**Quackity:** No sap, I'm not

**Quackity:** Listen all I'm saying is i prefer you guys over a lot of things uwu

**Quackity:** Oh you use it too stop bitching damn

**Quackity:** Can i have my chipotle now??

**Quackity:** Pog 

**Quackity:** So whats the sleeping situation??

**Quackity:** oke oke, i didn't bring a blanket, you got spares??

**Quackity:** good good

**Quackity:** Once I start school yanno we can't stay up till 4am. I need my beauty sleep

**Quackity:** Well I'm prettier than you teehee

**Quackity:** Oh and what time do you leave for work?

**Quackity:** okeoke

**Quackity:** Damn I'll be alone for a while

**Quackity:** I will tho, doesn't ur mom have like-- work??

**Quackity:** Ye ofc I'm always right

**Quackity:** ew no im not inviting dream over hes gross

**Quackity:** Listen all I'm saying is that if he comes over, gog will too and i dint want that sexual tension around me

**Quackity:** omfg NO PFFF--

**Quackity:** Sappys mom has got it going on---

**Quackity:** Im so above wilbur wtf do you M E A N--

**Quackity:** Omfg you little bitch

**Quackity:** oh oke,, carry my backpack in for me i wanna get my suitcases

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry this took a while to be posted,, shit happens and I couldn't write   
> anywhoooo
> 
> Also please read the last ''chapter''


End file.
